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I'm exhausted. It has not been easy to be a flaming liberal in the
United States for the last two years. I feel like I'm
constantly fighting the leadership of my country as well as
three-quarters of the population. No one seems interested in
building bridges, and the sides only become increasingly
polarized. I start to doubt my own motives and beliefs, and
depression follows soon after. And that's just politics. Don't even
get me started on my current line of work. Three words: Satan Satan
Satan.
I am a militant pacifist, but I get pissed off as often as the next
hot-blooded woman of Dutch descent. I keep telling myself that to
give in and resort to violence would be stooping to Dubya's level.
I feel beaten down. I tried not to use my voice very often when I was
in London last fall and added a lilt to my accent when I did. One
woman was completely not fooled: "Is that an American accent I
detect?" I nodded sheepishly. She laughed as I protested: "But I do
NOT agree with Bush!" I hate the feeling of having to get all the
qualifications out of my mouth about who I really am and what I really
believe before someone makes a snap judgment about me based on one way
I identify myself.
I say it over and over again, but I believe ever more strongly in
grassroots organization and the power of individual relationships. It
feels great to carry a sign down Market with a few other thousand
people, but I sincerely doubt I ever swayed anyone's opinion by doing
that. I believe in reaching out to your circle and then stepping
beyond it, encouraging others to do the same. While we're at it (and
just to pick one issue of many to focus on), let's exercise some
radical city planning that involves mixing things up a bit instead of
making things all-shopping, all-working, or all-suburbia. Build
community instead of encouraging people to drive their SUVs straight
into their garages and to lock their doors behind them. Walk around
on your city's streets. Smile at the people you see instead of
looking down or away.
I'm going to muster more courage and energy from somewhere, and
refuse to let the bastards grind me down. Care to join?
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Heidi J. De Vries
